Today was a really tough day. I had to get up early and sit with Randy's mom -because she is bed ridden- while Randy's Dad -who normally looks after her- was taken to the hospital for what turned out to be internal bleeding of some sort (maybe an ulsor, maybe a gastric tear). He's so stressed out that it's making him sick. I ended up beening late to work because my relief for watching (Randy's sister-in-law) her was 2 hours late ("opps, hehe I'm sorry!" she said... Then I destroyed her with mind bullets). Now our trip is postponed indefinitely.

So I got into work late, feeling horible and not knowing what was going on. Then my manager (dave) came over and started picking on me about Randy being older. His wife is older so he feels like he can just say horrible things to me. Normally it wouldn't really get to me. I'd call him a dick, tell him to fuck off, and things would go back to normal. However this time I was so stressed and wrecked that I just burst into tears.

I'm still really hurt. I'm not mad at him, because he and I always kid around. I'm just like, dented. Honestly, I sort of feel sorry for the guy, I mean, he came over to have a laugh and I freaking break down on him. He does really go to far sometimes though.

I have a feeling I'm gunna be a mess when I hit the door to the apartment tonight.

It's so hard being strong for Randy all the time when it comes to his parents. I love them so much, it kills me to see them both get sick. They're so young! Randy's mom is only in her late 50's! I've seen her reduced to a completely dependent person, and it kills me. She went from looking like she was in her 40's to looking like she could be 80+ in the span of 2 years. Shoot me if the first round of kemo doesn't take care of cancer, that's what I've learned.

It's so selfish to think of it, but I'm sooooo upset about my weekend being ruined. I know that should be the least of my worries at this point, and that it is selfish of me to even be thinking about it.

I'm just so upset.